I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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