Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
