no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
