my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
