that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the condom got lost in my hair
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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