...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
