I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
