you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
