Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
