'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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