you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
