Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
