he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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