Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
