My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
