Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
