i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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