your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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