my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
