where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No more Irish car bombs ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
