plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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