i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
