I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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