Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
