i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
