I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
