was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
