No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
