Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
