what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
