Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
