I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
