I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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