I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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