My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My liver just had a heart attack.
whose parrot is this?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
