I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
