She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
