So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
