the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
