3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
