I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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