I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
