i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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