We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
