I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
