i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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