i just sent this text using only my big toe
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
