OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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