I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
