He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
