My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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