Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
