my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
