Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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