I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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