My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
