Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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