I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm experimenting with sincerity
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
