god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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