you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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